A couple weeks back I had the honor and privilege to hop on Just Press Record with Cultish Creative’s Matt Zeigler to share my thoughts on serendipity. By the way, if you are not on Matt’s mailing list, what are you waiting for? This dude has been dropping wisdom on the daily for eight years now and has connected who knows how many people to each other. You could be next.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen this interview, and you care about what I think about stuff, this is worth watching.
This bespectacled guy was on fire in this interview. He had it all figured out. Life is just one series of accidents… so much wisdom and perspective, etc.
Too bad that’s not me right now.
It’s not that I don’t passionately believe in every word I said in this interview. I really do. It’s that no matter how much the logic of my life intuitively makes sense, there is no overcoming my nature to be greedy, fearful, and ignorant.
When I speak about life in podcasts like this one, my flawed conditioning fades away and lets my “wisdom” spill out of my mouth. Or does it? Maybe it’s above me the entire time, pulling strings like a puppeteer to satisfy my ego by trying to sound so gosh darn “evolved.”
Well, I’m not. There I said it. I’ve been reminded of this time and again over the past couple weeks as I have turned myself inside out to launch Data 4 The People. To be clear, I really do believe that my first study (launched last week) is the best work I have done in a decade… or maybe ever. I really do believe that it has the potential to help a lot of people by providing education that their life doesn't have to be as difficult as it is if they just step outside the political propaganda and advocate for themselves. These are all great things, and I am very proud of them.
But my mind wants MY report to fix the injustice in our country’s largest food assistance program NOW. Like right now! And damn it… I better get some credit for that! Maybe along that way, some reporters could write kind things about how brilliant my work was… but not too brilliant! You know, I don’t want to come across like that. Just some tactfully placed humble brags please. Yes. This will suffice. Because my greedy and impatient kindness and generosity must be acknowledged delicately so it doesn't shatter my fragile ego.
Wow. That felt good!
Besides therapeutic venting, what’s the point of this post?
It’s twofold.
First, if you are listening to someone who sounds like they have things figured out - they don’t. Well, they may have some things figured out conceptually. But there is concept and then there is experience. Concept doesn't count for shit compared to experience. So, this should make you feel good. No one has things figured out any more than you do. We are all simultaneously enlightened and ignorant.
My second point is when the camera turns off and I forget all the wise things I said, it’s important that I have some, what I call, palate cleansers for the mind… a.k.a. lazy coping mechanisms.
Lemme give an example to make some sense out of this term.
When I published my first Data 4 The People study last week, I did a ton of promotion on social media. I have to do this because social media is where The People spend their time. And it goes without saying that I can’t help/educate The People if The People never see my work in the first place.
So, I posted a lot. I wish I could just post and forget about it. But I’m not wired that way. I check multiple times a day to see the impressions. It drives me crazy, but if I don’t create some boundaries, I have no control over this. I feel like Gumball and Darwin getting pulled back to their computer to check Elmore Plus in this episode of the Amazing World of Gumball.
So what to do when my passion for something (launching Data 4 The People) is taken hostage by my desire for recognition, likes, comments, and dangerous things like this?
Of course, I have what I’ll call healthy coping mechanisms - running, meditation, nature walks, spending time with kids and pets. Things like this. But these things take discipline, and when I’m at my lowest (getting vacuumed back to my computer) my discipline is in short supply.
That’s why recently I have developed some “lazy” coping mechanisms. My latest lazy coping mechanism is watching cooking shows. I don’t know what it is about cooking shows, but they are simultaneously fascinating and boring. I can turn them off whenever I want because nothing really happens, but while I am watching I am riveted by them. It’s the perfect balance. And I like them just enough to redirect my attention to them when I am caught in the grip of ignorance.
I did that this morning. I woke up thinking about work. Made coffee (that always comes first) and then opened my computer. I was about to get to my restless scrolling, when I remembered I was in the middle of an episode of “Knife Edge” on Apple TV. So, I flipped this on and instead peacefully watched some of the top chefs in the world create tiny dishes that look like art.
I should note that this show has a particular side benefit that each of these chefs are obsessively chasing Michelin stars. Without fail, each chef works themselves nearly to death in hopes of getting a star. And then many of them get a star, or two, or three. Some are happy for a moment. But most then start focusing on how to retain the star. So, the process of chasing some external thing renews itself. It’s so obvious to see the futility of this process when watching someone else go through it… but yet, knowing this completely still can’t prevent me from doing the same! I find this conundrum fascinating.
Anyway, after about 15 minutes my intrigue with tiny art food turned to boredom so I closed my laptop.
And it worked!
The pull to the computer had faded and I was able to move on with my morning to more healthy choices like playing with the cat we just adopted, meditating, and going for a run. And then on that run, I thought of this post, which I now share with you.
Of course, cooking shows will one day lose their appeal. Maybe then I’ll go back to checking box scores for NBA games I don’t really care about. That also has been a reliable palate cleanser for me in the past. The point is to just have something that has just enough appeal (but not too much) to draw my attention away from something that is going to take me down a path that doesn't lead anywhere good.
In summary, I think deep down, we are all good. We just need a reset every now and again for our goodness to express itself. But you know, we evolved to want stuff in life. Whatever we have, our evolution tells us, “get more.” And so we try to get more, and in the process may end up doing things that hurt ourselves, or even others.
If you can ward away these demons with healthy activities alone - more power to you. I am finding out that I can’t. When I’ve been pulled to the dark side, I have a hard time flipping back to my default good nature. I need to pass through something neutral first. I need a cooking show.
I’ll ask a few questions for reflection to close:
What’s it feel like when you are in the grips of “getting more?”
Can you flip right from that to your beautiful, selfless nature?
Do you have a few tried and true palate cleansers to turn to when you need them?
Do they work?
Do you feel guilty using them… and think you should be able to turn off the “getting more” feeling without using a crutch?
This last question is for me really. I still do feel guilty about using these crutches. I don’t know where that comes from, but I acknowledge the feeling. And over time, I am doing a better job coming to terms that “getting more” is what I evolved to do. There is no turning this off, and that’s OK. But I can be accepting of it. I can work with it. And I can employ strategies to not let it pull me away from my North Star.