Today I am at a bit of a crossroads.
I couldn't think of anything to do with this weird energy inhabiting my body and mind so I decided to write.
The following is stream of consciousness.
Apologies in advance for the lack of structure.
Welcome to my mind.
I just completed my 24-hour run to raise money for my local food pantry. I ended up logging 76 miles, more than I ever thought I could do. We also raised nearly $5,000 for my community’s food pantry, which will directly be put to use to feed the growing number of people living with food insecurity. You can still donate if you want to support the cause!
I feel accomplished. This run was my “Everest.” What is there to do after you complete such an audacious task? I honestly am not sure at the moment.
What I do know is the work is never done. And by work I mean both the work on my mind (which is the #1 reason I do these runs) AND the work on fixing our broken society.
I will not live to see either completed.
Neither will you.
This is the way.
We must just embrace it and keep taking the next step in the right direction until (like my body did twice last weekend) we can no longer take any more steps.
Part of this feels wonderful and liberating. No completion? No finish line? Fantastic! Then we can really just settle into the journey. I’m not saying focus on the journey over the outcome. This blog ain’t no motivational poster. Rather, I am saying there is no outcome. It is a mirage. Look deeply at your lived experience and you’ll realize we have all been fooled.
Yet we still look for outcomes. What is a life without accomplishments? What is this “self” without its resume? It’s a scary thought. But if you are not thinking this, you’re living in the Matrix and you probably feel a state of “dis-ease.” Something feels wrong. Like a pebble in your shoe that you can’t get out.
It all feels unsustainable, right? Sometimes I feel like I am on a see-saw, going back and forth between “wonderful and liberating” to “unsustainable and hopeless.” But maybe it’s not a see-saw at all, maybe these emotions are two sides of the same coin. Throw the bad out and the good goes with it?
So, if being of service (or living a present life) is really a coin, where the bad cannot be separated from the good, what do we do?
We listen to music.
I found this song by Daniel Caesar called, “Moon” and I feel in the depths of my soul that he understands this push and pull of life. At this point in my life, this song is my salve. It is my sanctuary. If you haven’t heard it, please listen to it closely. Listen multiple times and really hear his words. I will write about them after the video.
First off I have not read any analysis or commentary on this song. So the thoughts I have here are my own. They reflect how this song hits me in this very moment.
Here’s the first verse:
Hit dogs will holler, I’ll howl at the moon
I’m not who I want to be at the moment, maybe soon
Fighters keep fighting, I’ll fight ‘til I’m blue
And filled up with lactic acid, fighting produced
And now, my commentary:
I’ve recently come to the realization that I want my professional life to be one of service. I entered this space in November 2025 thinking I could create content to expose any and all of the many issues of inequality in this country, and over time, could figure out a way to make a living from this fulfilling work.
I haven’t yet figured this out. Our society is not designed to compensate people for the type of work I want to do. I understand this now. But I don’t want to give up. I feel like a dog chasing a rabbit, but when I catch up to it, I get shocked. I hit the electric fence. And I holler.
But then comes the guilt associated with my lack of patience. Every time I try to force this to “work,” I see my impatience and realize that’s not who I want to be… but maybe soon?
Since I am an endurance runner, the lactic acid part really hits me hard. I know exactly what this feels like. The burning feeling, urging me to stop. But I just can’t. There is so much to fix. I’ll fight ‘til I’m blue.
Here’s the second verse:
I’d rather fight for you, the only way I know
That ain’t sustainable
Who’s gonna fight for me, who will advocate?
Who’s gonna be my Jesus
Pull up on a cloud? Play that trumpet loud?
Carry my home?
Who’s gonna be my Jesus? Who will advocate?
And now, my commentary:
Oh, this verse is EVERYTHING to me. I could listen to this 100 times over and it would never get old. It hits me on so many different levels.
First, I get extremely sad when I hear Daniel sing these words. I hear the voices of the billions of people across this planet who lack access to the most basic goods and services to sustain life. I see the faces of Americans living in food insecurity; of those who have been robbed of proper healthcare and are rationing medicines because of corporate greed and broken politics. All this pain hits me like a ton of bricks when I hear these words.
But Daniel shifts perspectives in this verse. In fact, you can’t quite tell from what perspective he is pleading for help. Is it from those in need? Or is it from caretakers and others who are devoted to serving those in need? Or is it both? It’s brilliant how he leaves this open to interpretation.
So, for me, I hear the voices of those in need. But then I hear my own voice too. I see how my path is, at the moment, literally unsustainable. I wonder who will be my Jesus? Who will advocate for me? Who will advocate for the friends I have met recently who are devoting their lives helping the less fortunate in our community, but get paid next to nothing to do so? Or will my new friends and I be relegated to martyrdom to do the work that we so deeply believe in?
I have to note here the second drop of brilliance is what Daniel did to “Jesus.” He humanized the concept of Jesus. Jesus is not the son of god from the Bible in this song. He is us. We are him.
Please note that I’m not writing this in a religious sense. Rather, I know (and have written recently) that we all have the capacity to be “god.” It is within all of us. Daniel knows this, and is calling out for those people… the “Ticos” of this world, to come assist. To advocate. To help lift up others, no matter who they may be, in their time of need.
I keep thinking of the song’s title, “Moon.” I don’t know why Daniel chose that title. But I love it so much because I think of a new moon. A fresh start. It happens each month, where the moon is “reborn” out of darkness.
Maybe humanity can be reborn out of darkness too.
Maybe being of service won’t always be unsustainable (both emotionally and financially).
Maybe we can all work to be advocates to each other.
Maybe…
I’ll set this world on fire, you can’t stop me
There I will rest my bones